Mourning a loss...

Sometimes it's not easy knowing that something needs changing, something that's definitely going to affect the future not just for me, for everyone. In a certain sense it's very easy to deny. I'm in denial. I'm sure you'd understand that someone in denial puts off the inevitable, what they need to do, what they know cannot be avoided. Avoidance certainly makes things feel better for a while at least. That's what I've been doing, for the last week and a bit. Of course, there comes a time when avoiding the inevitable is no longer possible, I'm going to thank GoldenDragon for that.

To be honest, I'd have expected more of you to want to find out information from me. Sure I've been hesitant in the past, when we were on the interface. I'm a bit more relaxed now, we still have to be careful who we tell information to, but I'm reasonably happy they're not reading this. GoldenDragon gave me the kick up the back side I needed...

C'mon man..where'd ya get to? You want help, sure but don't leave us hanging. What did Slewth tell you?

He's right. I need to tell you guys more. I guess I'll start with my childhood.

I've always had a natural passion for the sciences, mathematics, physics. Creative subjects aren't my strong point. I guess I was one of those kids who was happy to spend his break times doing Maths. Looking back now, yeah it seemed weird. I wasn't particularly unhappy in primary school - far from it. I'd created my own passion, something that all the other kids didn't have. I guess you could say I was special. Come to think of it, David and Andrew were my only friends back then, but that was fine for me. I didn't really enjoy football, or swapping stickers.

I was incredibly close to my mother, Paula. Dad was possibly too strict, but he wasn't a bad father, I just had a natural bond with my mother. I definitely inherited my intelligence from my mother, I remember her speaking of this great inspirational guy who she'd met at work. Who'd have thought I'd be sitting here in my mid twenties using one application of that man's great Hypertext idea. Of course, my mother explained these things to me when I was little, but I didn't really understand the effect it'd have on my life.

Being an only child was quite nice. I didn't need to spend a lot of time arguing with someone I was destined to constantly fall out with. Although it wasn't until I started secondary school that I realised I was a lonely child, and the attention I needed in my life came from my mother. You could say she was a best friend, mentor and mother all rolled into one. I gradually became more and more reclusive as the years went on...focusing mainly on my physics and maths. I officially had no friends now, David had moved to America with his family, and Andrew...he suddenly became popular. The world was moving far too fast for him to hang around with me, after all I didn't mind, I had my maths, and my physics. Oh, and computers became popular too :)

So, I guess you're thinking...what has this loner's story got to do with anything? It's funny how life appears to be okay, until something happens. My mother was away on another trip one week, just before my G.C.S.Es, I was quite used to these, she took them regularly as part of her work. Only this time she wouldn't come back. We hadn't heard from her for a few days, she didn't call, she didn't come home. Dad said everything would be okay, he said she'd come back when she was finished. Of course, I was being sheltered from the truth. The phone rang. June 1st it was. I was convinced it'd be mum, I rushed away from my Pentium II to pick up the phone in my parent's bedroom. I was about to speak, when I heard my dad's voice. He'd obviously picked up the other line. I listened in silence, out of curiosity. One of the things I regret the most is ever picking up that phone. It wasn't mum. It was the Police. They wanted dad to go down and identify her body, -mums- body. There were mentions of a stabbing. I didn't hear the rest. I didn't want to know.

A couple of days later, I came out of my bedroom. The teary eyes were gone, I looked a mess. I was a mess. Dad was nowhere to be seen, so much for him supporting me. And I, William Forth was a different person. Torn apart, it was time to fend for myself. That was ten years ago last Friday.

Of course, I'll tell you more about Slewth, just not for a couple of days. It's been a long time, and I need some time to remember the good memories. One day I'll get to see her again...